


The Pain of Inadequacy

by Nikasha



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Anxiety, Damaged personal object, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Poly Relationship, Pre-Nibelheim Incident (Compilation of FFVII), Random unnamed OC’s, Tiny foreshadowing, Writer thinks it’s funny that that is a tag
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-31
Updated: 2020-07-31
Packaged: 2021-03-06 05:26:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,811
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25638010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nikasha/pseuds/Nikasha
Summary: Cloud has an ornamental paper dragon that gets crushed in the barracks as a trooper. It had been the first piece of home he'd received in the mail upon arriving at Shinra. Cloud's convinced it's a sign he should leave.
Relationships: Zack Fair/Angeal Hewley/Genesis Rhapsodos/Sephiroth/Cloud Strife
Comments: 12
Kudos: 99
Collections: FF7 Fanworks Exchange '20





	The Pain of Inadequacy

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MistyDeath](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MistyDeath/gifts).



> Please enjoy 😁
> 
> Full Prompt: Cloud has an ornamental paper dragon that gets crushed in the barracks as a trooper; it was stupid of him to carelessly stow it under his bunk, but now it's been broken beyond repair. And, although his mother sends him some every now and then, that had been the first piece of home he'd received in the mail upon arriving at Shinra. Cloud's convinced it's a sign he should leave.

Cloud sighed, tugging off his helmet and tossing it onto the cot. The other troopers were bickering about going out for drinks in loud voices, but he ignored them for the moment as he sat and stretched, sore muscles pulling in a satisfying way.  
  
He shifted to grab his phone and heard a soft rustle when his boot nudged something. He turned and looked.  
  
Cloud’s heart sank like a stone. He quickly leaned over and scooped up the small crushed ball of paper, holding it tenderly in his hands. The tail was flattened, one wing completely crinkled in on itself and the other half torn away. The head was barely recognizable.  
  
He sighed and lowered his hands to his lap, chest aching. The first week he had been in the infantry had been utter hell, his body unused to the work and his personality unable to let him reach out and make friends yet. That was when he had gotten mail from his mother. Her letter had been sweet and encouraging, but it was the small paper dragon that had given him the strength to stay. A little piece of home, of his mother.  
  
He had a collection of them now, tucked away under his bunk, each one from a different letter, but this one had been stored away from the rest. It had been his mascot.  
  
Sadness turned to frustration with himself. He should have known better; the barracks were always rowdy. He should have put it somewhere safer. In his bag, maybe, or...  
  
Truth be told, there was nowhere he could have kept it completely safe. They didn’t really get anywhere private to keep things, especially delicate items. But that didn’t matter, did it? He could have tried.  
  
Cloud’s phone buzzed and he jumped. Hastily, he picked it up and pressed it to his ear. “Hello?”  
  
“Cloud!” The cadet relaxed a bit at Zack’s friendly voice. “Where are you? You going with the other cadets after all?”  
  
He glanced up at the group bustling around the room, most of them beginning to loiter at the door to wait for their buddies to be ready to go drink.  
  
“No,” he said simply and looked at the crumpled paper in his hand. His heart sank again. “Um, I might just stay in.”  
  
“What? Why? Shut up, Gen...” Cloud could hear rustling as he pushed someone. “I thought you were going to come hang out with us?”  
  
The blond examined the little dragon. So easily stamped out. Just like him. He could almost feel the planet rumbling under his feet, whispering _go home._ “I just don’t feel up to it. Sorry.”  
  
“Hmm.” Zack was quiet for a bit. Cloud was about to speak up again when he said, “We’re coming over!”  
  
“We?” Cloud squeaked with a spike of alarm. “You mean—?”  
  
“Yeah, all of us,” Zack laughed. “Just stay put, we’ll come get you.”  
  
“No, Zack, you don’t have to!”  
  
A soft sigh. “Why not?”  
  
And that drew Cloud up short. Why not? Because he wasn’t good enough? Because they didn’t need to waste their valuable time on him? Because he didn’t deserve them? Zack wouldn’t listen to any of that and he knew it.  
  
Zack waited patiently and, when no answer was forthcoming, said softly, “Ten minutes.”  
  
“Okay,” Cloud replied, just as soft. “Bye.”  
  
“Bye, Spikey.” He hung up.  
  
The other guys were filtering out of the room. Cloud heard two murmuring to each other in hushed, increasingly agitated voices. Finally someone said, “Hey, Strife!”  
  
Cloud looked up, blinking at a sheepish-looking cadet and his watching friend. He recognized them; he got along with them and they would often track him down for partner workouts or team exercises.  
  
“Do you want to come with?” he offered, pointing his thumb over his shoulder.  
  
Cloud paused, surprised, and let a small smile cross his face. “Thanks, but I’m good.”  
  
His friend just behind shoved him, brown eyes glinting at Cloud as he smiled. “Aw, c’mon, Strife! You almost never hang out with us.”  
  
Cloud felt his face flush. There was a reason for that, considering his relationship with the Firsts. “Sorry. Next time.”  
  
He shrugged. “Alright, man. Come on.” He swatted his buddy on the arm and they both headed out.  
  
The paper dragon crinkled in Cloud’s hand. He sighed softly and looked down at it, chest tight. It was so quiet without the other troopers in the room.  
  
When was the last time he had called his mother? Spoken with her at all? Weeks? Months? Time blended together in the infantry. Blurred until he realized it had been almost a year and he was no closer to joining Soldier. The shame, thick and cloying, locked up his throat every time he considered calling or writing. Embarrassment, as bright and painful as a burn. But at least if he went crawling back now they would accept him. Only a year of his life wasted, no big deal. His mom would hug him, Tifa would laugh and invite him to run through the mountains.  
  
He didn’t notice the heavy feeling on his shoulders until a knock at the door startled him out of his thoughts. He took a sharp inhale, lifting his head to see Zack standing in the door frame. He was smiling sadly. “Zack.”  
  
“You need a minute?” he asked softly. “The guys are arguing, they won’t notice.”  
  
Cloud swiped a hand down over his face. “No, it’s okay. I’m fine.” He stood, tossing the crumpled paper back onto his bed. He would find somewhere to put it later. The thought of trashing it hurt.  
  
Zack followed the trajectory, squinted at the tiny thing. Even from several feet away, he blinked in recognition. “Did you get another dragon?”  
  
Cloud paused. “I...How did you know about those?”  
  
Zack shrugged a shoulder, stepping further into the room. “Seen you put them away a couple times. Although normally you’re a little more careful, I would say.” He tilted his head, inviting Cloud to share his thoughts.  
  
The cadet shifted, reaching for his helmet before recalling the others giving him hell for wearing it last time. He abandoned it and went to Zack. “It’s nothing.” He waited for Zack to move out of the doorway.  
  
He didn’t. The Soldier gave Cloud a Mako-eyed look, piercing and unnerving. He looked back at the bed then at Cloud again. “You know you can talk to me, right, Cloud?” he said quietly.  
  
The sharp tang of embarrassment was back in a flash and his muscles tightened involuntarily. Fight or flight. He couldn’t flee with Zack standing in his way. He bit back a retort.  
  
Zack reached for him. “Cloud—“  
  
Suddenly the Soldier jolted forward, pushed from behind. He bared his teeth in a snarl, spinning to look over his shoulder and nearly stabbing Cloud in the eye with one of his spikes of hair. “Hey, watch it!”  
  
“You’re taking too long!” Genesis groaned. He peeked around Zack and waved to Cloud. “Hey, darling! Ready?”  
  
Cloud smiled back but he knew he hadn’t done a very good job when Genesis’s expression shifted.  
  
The redhead murmured, “Oh.” He put his hands on Zack’s shoulders, ignoring his indignant noise, and maneuvered him out of the way so he could go to Cloud, taking both of his hands. “Do I need to burn someone?”  
  
Cloud made a surprised sound that might have been an aborted laugh. “What? No!”  
  
“We’re burning someone?” Sephiroth poked in his head then, Mako-green eyes bright with interest.  
  
“Cloud said no.”  
  
“Hmm.” The silver-haired First narrowed his eyes at Cloud then ducked back out to finish his discussion with Angeal.  
  
Zack came up behind Genesis, looping an arm around his waist. “You never offered to burn someone for me, Gen!”  
  
“You can handle yourself,” he answered dismissively, gaze locked on the cadet.  
  
And Cloud felt a stab of guilt then, something like shame. He shrank away, but didn’t let go of Gen’s hands. “Everything’s fine.”  
  
Genesis sighed. “Oh, by the Goddess. I’m so sorry, sweet darling, of course you can take care of yourself. Most of us weren’t in infantry long, if at all, but we know it’s a very unpleasant experience.” He leaned forward to gently bunt his forehead against Cloud’s. “You are very strong.”  
  
Cloud flushed instantly and hid his face behind his scarf, embarrassed by how easily he had been flattered.  
  
“Is that what’s going on?” Zack asked, both chagrined and surprised. “Babe...”  
  
Genesis shoved Zack away with his hip. “Don’t ‘babe’ him, he deserves better than that.”  
  
“You literally just called him ‘darling’! How is that better?”  
  
“It’s better because it came from me.” A huff.  
  
Cloud smiled a little. Their typical banter made him feel better. He squeezed the redhead’s hands gently. “Let’s go now.”  
  
They both quit bickering to give him very similar looks of concern.  
  
“Are you sure?” Zack asked.  
  
Cloud leaned up and kissed him, quick and gentle. “Yeah.”  
  
Zack was appeased, although Genesis then complained until Cloud gave him a kiss, too. Sephiroth and Angeal filtered into the room to get kisses then try to herd the others out of the barracks.  
  
Cloud and Sephiroth fell a bit behind.  
  
“So,” the First murmured. “What was that about a dragon?”  
  
“Oh.” Cloud blew out a sigh. “My mother makes these paper dragons and sends them to me. My first one got messed up. I shoved it under my bunk and it got crushed really bad. I can’t fix it.”  
  
The General hummed, brow furrowing. “It is just paper. Why did it upset you?”  
  
“Because...” Cloud tugged at his scarf. “Since it’s the first one, it was important. It was a reminder of...of memories, of emotions. So that if I feel bad, I can look at it and feel brave.”  
  
Sephiroth shook his head. “Memories do not make someone brave,” he said firmly. “It just reminds you that you ARE brave. You don’t need a trinket for that.”  
  
Cloud looked at him in surprise. He smiled and brushed their fingertips together; they couldn’t hold hands in public, but he could get away with small things. “Thanks.”  
  
“You’re welcome, but I am unsure what I said to make you thank me,” Sephiroth replied, the barest tilt to his mouth betraying a smile.  
  
Cloud opened his mouth to answer, but Zack and Genesis interrupted, both shouting back at them to hurry up.  
  
Later, surrounded by the Firsts in a booth with a drink in front of him and listening absently to their happy banter, Cloud decided he was okay with this. He might not be the strongest, but he had help that would keep him from being crushed.  
  
And months after, a sword dripping with blood in his hands and the green light of the reactor illuminating his face, he wondered if that crushed dragon had been meant for him at all.


End file.
